he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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