I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
