So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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