So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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