So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
