Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
