i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
