and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I love you. Go after that dick
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
