We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
