Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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