don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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