You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
