You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
