I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
