Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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