sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
