I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
