The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
