goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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