It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
