Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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