I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
