I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
