She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
