That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
