woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
