im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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