New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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