oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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