So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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