She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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