so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
