i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
