Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My bed smells like the plague
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