This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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