the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
