I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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