Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
