With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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