dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
