That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
