dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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