exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
