I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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