Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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