this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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