Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
