I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
