highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
