Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
