I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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