I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it's like iHOP with fire
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
50% drunk capacity currently
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
