What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
