you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
