with your own penis?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
