I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
