I'm jealous of your bromance
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
