So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
