New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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