My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
