My hand turned me down
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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