you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
