I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize