highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
