Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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